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Slow Tony Fabulous

Deputy Mayor Unsure If Anyone Has Ever Been In The John Von Savage Pool

“No one swims indoors during the summer and no one in town during the winter is able to swim…so why are we spending money to heat this worthless tub?” asks Deputy Mayor Ronald McDonna.




 

“95% of the winter residents are raging alcoholics.  Look deep in the eyes of any winter resident and ask yourself honestly … is this person taking a dip in a local pool or pounding a 30 pack of Miller Lite starting at sun up.”

 

McDonna continues “Supposedly, there’s a junior swim team called the Dolphins that competes here.  But I’ve asked around and there's zero proof this team exists. It’s like UFOs, everybody has seen or heard of someone going there but ask for pictures or proof and… nothing.”

 

Dolphins Swim Coach Jennifer Ballsholder has two sons that swim for the team and provided many pictures of competitions and practices at the Von Savage Pool. Last month, McDonna asked Ballsholder for pictures and she refused to provide them to him.  “When some old fool comes to your door ranting about a vast pool conspiracy and wants pictures of your children in bathing suits, you tell him to fuck off”

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